Hell Freezes Over...

Sleep… a natural and periodic state of rest during which consciousness of the world is suspended! I wish I could get a good night’s sleep… its been weeks now and sleep is no longer a need, not even a want … at this point in my life it’s a luxury I can’t afford.

Every night I close my eyes hoping to drift away into dream land, instead my brain jogs awake from its day long coma and decided to start thinking, interrupting all urges for my body to physically rest. After all physically I’m there, lying in bed, resting with my knees propped up on a pillow to allow the blood to circulate after a long day of abusing my feet, but resting doesn’t not begin to describe the lack of relaxation I’m going through!!

I hold my little bunny jr. close and inhale its scent, a thousand thoughts rushing through my head as I do so, adrenaline rushing through my body waking me up as if I’ve had twelve hours of sleep already.

Then the thoughts begin, I almost trembled last night when he held my hand… a feeling of fear and safety washed me over. What a stupid oxymoron huh?! I mean how could you possible be scared and safe at the same time?! It’s just like saying Hell Freezes over, and that’s exactly what it is… all the built up fire in me has frozen over and given in to what he had to say. At first it was just lips moving, words coming out and me staring into space but then I had to put my self into focus and just listen, mark my words here I didn’t hear, because that’s a bodily function, I actually took in the words, processed them, thought about them and agreed to what he was saying, yes, I listened.

After 40 minutes of talking that at the time felt like hours I walked him out, and you’ll never figure… He kissed my forehead. Does he even know what that means?! I mean us girls know the meaning of kisses, don’t we?

He walked out and the hell of my thoughts defrosted all over again… I’m off to bed now, but will I get any sleep?!